Patriarchy Isn’t Working for You

Once again, I am angered by the articles I read. Happy Friday!

Today, I read two articles that upset me greatly, each demonstrating the damaging effects of gender stereotypes. In the first one, How to Tell If a man’s penis is In the Right Place, the author draws a confusing analogy between people with penises in women’s bathrooms and  a “politician jizzing where he shouldn’t.”

Ok? This is the extent of his argument–don’t listen to people who don’t want penises in women’s bathrooms because…….they’re all conservative hypocrites? No. And please don’t conflate female solidarity with conservatism–there’s nothing conservative about it. I would argue it’s way more conservative to keep silencing women the way we have been for centuries.

The patriarchy machine needs you to silence dissenting opinions–it keeps the gears well-greased!

In the second article, Stop the “Women in Tech” Hysteria, the author laments ladies lamenting there aren’t enough ladies in tech. She goes on to state her views on what men and women are each “made for” and that we need to stick to what we’re good at. I believe I’ve already stated how I feel about the term “hysteria” but in case you missed it:

“Blow me to Bermuda!”

Sophia (the author), the patriarchy needs you to buy into bullshit gender stereotypes so you can be used as a human step-stool and believe me, you’re nothing more. You and women like you are brainwashed into getting down on all fours and letting your betters (men) ease on up the corporate ladder. Do they all succeed? No. Are all women who are “successful” by conventional standards happy? No. But neither are the brainwashed step-stools.

You two are being used and abused and you don’t even know it. People like you are tools of the patriarchy–you’re like hall-monitors that tell the rest of us to pipe-down and get in line. Well you know where that line leads to?

That’s right, the fucking meat grinder–where all the “yes” men and women are ground up and used as fertilizer for the next crop of human step-stools!

Luckily, if you’re brave, you can step out of line any time. Only catch is, once you’ve stepped out, you can’t get back in. You’ll be shunned, ridiculed and targeted for your disobedience. But you’ll be free.

Director, Guillermo del Toro said something very wise when he was asked about gender inequality. He said that the system wants us to buy into our differences so we hate each other. This type of distraction makes us easier to control. He uses a fitting analogy of a huge elephant being constrained by a rope tied to a very tiny stick.

His point is not lost on me and I believe both of these authors could benefit from reflecting on it. The system that’s in place benefits greatly from us hating each other; because while we’re busy bickering, we won’t notice the vampire that is the patriarchy feeding off of our very life force, sustaining itself upon our ignorance, our denial and our hate. Wake up. Step out of line. Fuck power.

C’mon, bro! Let’s tear down the patriarchy!

Ugh. I get so frustrated sometimes. Had lunch with my younger brother today after going to a movie. Scarlett Johansson came up in our conversation and I expressed my regret over how pigeonholed she was as an actress. This conversation developed into one about how women are objectified in popular media and the sex industry, to which my brother heartily disagreed. His main argument hinged on,”..but they chose that line of work!” I reminded him of the detriment to women who do NOT work in the sex industry but to no avail.

My older brother acknowledges that our culture has an unhealthy obsession with sex, yet adheres to Christian beliefs which are also extremely oppressive. My younger brother is an atheist. I, as always, am in the middle, disavowing both systems as oppressive. Go figure. Such is life, I suppose. Although I wish we could come together in acknowledgment that all hierarchical structures are inherently oppressive and should be dismantled. After all, nothing brings family members together like tearing down the patriarchy!

 

Why Being Compared to a Woman is the Worst Insult

“You play ball like a GIRL!”

Why is the worst way to insult someone to compare them to a woman? Terms like “bitch” and “pussy” have almost taken on meanings unto themselves but their origins are rooted in their reference to the female sex.

Humans make sense of their environment by assigning words to objects. Words are symbols that represent the meanings and qualities we assign them. “Male” and “female” might suggest secondary sex characteristics but also suggest a specific appearance, demeanor and interests.

There is nothing that determines how we will look except out biology, namely, our hormones which affect not only secondary sex characteristics but body hair and sex drive. While hormones have an impact on our behavior, it is we who decide on the value of that behavior. In our culture, strength is valued over weakness, independence over interdependence, head over heart, adults over children.

Thus, while “female” denotes beauty and gentility, it has also become synonymous with weakness, frivolity, instability and stupidity. Conversely, to be “manly” is to be strong, powerful, solid and important. Hence, if you really want to insult someone, man or woman, you compare them to a woman.

I made the mistake of reading the comments for a video of a conversation with Paul Feig, director of the upcoming Ghostbusters reboot. The comment section was a torrent of misogyny, full of references to Feig being a “bitch,” a “pussy,” and having a “mangina.” When I asked the Mangina Commenter what he had against vaginas, he was quick to come to their defense, saying he loved them! When I prodded him further about why, if he loved vaginas so much, he would use them to insult someone, he then called Feig a “fruit.”

As I’ve said before, homophobia is based on misogyny. The insult lies in comparing a man to a woman–someone who is vulnerable, weaker and less valuable in our culture. This reinforces my point that the worst way to insult someone is to compare them to a woman. If you want to make fun of the way someone speaks–talk in a high voice, the way someone walks–swish your hips. Even so-called “playful” remarks are often attempts to discredit and devalue women’s work, speech and thoughts. Referring to what a woman does as “sweet” or “nice” definitely has a different tone than an act that is “great” or “cool.” Behavior that is “cute” or “flirty” does not have the same gravity as behavior that is “assertive.”Girls and women are also described as “silly” or “sassy,” which, let’s put it this way, are NOT qualities to emphasize on a job resume.

So what can we do about this? Well, big change starts with you and changing your behavior has a ripple effect on the world around you. If you absolutely MUST make fun of or insult somebody, don’t compare them to a woman. That means, not using terms like “bitch” or “hysterical.” It also might mean holding back from insulting behaviors that are typically ascribed to women like displaying emotion or concern. And finally, should you be the receiver of an insult that is qualified by a reference to women–DON’T take it as an insult. If someone calls you a bitch,  a homo or a fruit, just say, “Thank you.”

 

America the Beautiful

I was inspired by a fellow blogger–critical of the system, to write about the current state of things, as I see it, in the U.S. She’s come to the conclusion that even the left is not all it’s cracked up to be. I must agree.

Even supposed progressives still believe in a system that is, by nature, oppressive: namely, the patriarchy/capitalism. Some people seem to think we are beyond multiple forms of oppression and that we can afford to endorse a system that thrives off of certain people being trampled on. Granted, the system we live under is on shaky ground (hopefully) but many seem to be clinging to it for dear life.

Let us not forget that this country was built on oppression–not by bloodthirsty bigots, but by regular people like you and me. Many people who didn’t live through the Civil Rights Era look back at our racist history and gush, “Oh, how monstrous!” Need I remind you that it was not unheard of for entire families to attend lynchings with picnic basket in-hand?

Indeed, lynching was a “monstrous” act but not perpetrated by monsters–perpetrated by everyday Americans. “Well that kind of racism is a thing of the past.” Is it? Not two years ago did a Bay Area girls’ Catholic school serve watermelon and fried chicken for lunch in honor of Black History Month.

What kind of stereotypes do you think those lynch mobs had about black people?

Much of the black community will vote for Hillary this November. I can’t know the minds of black voters but I could imagine they’d sooner see a woman in office than another white man. Perhaps she knows a little bit more about oppression than The Bern. And if you don’t think that sexism is still rampant, type “women” into a Google image search and you can see how far we’ve come. This was one of the first four images to pop up —Some of the first search suggestions were “Body Shapes” and “Body Shapes for Men.” Granted the images that pop up for “men” are also highly sexualized but they too appear to be geared towards other men. Wonder whose interests are being catered-to there??

Children don’t fair much better but do garner more sympathy. They are still primarily viewed as possessions–evidence of our good parenting skills or lack thereof. 

Can we really call our country the “land of the free” when half its’ citizens are governed by the other half and people below voting age are viewed as indebted to their parents? For what? Granting them life, clothing them, feeding them and not beating them? Thank you, benevolent masters!

No, we’re not the land of the free but we might be the home of the brave. You’d have to be brave to wake up every day as anyone with minority status and venture into a world that needs you to kneel down so white, heterosexual men can use you to elevate themselves. (Here’s where the white, heterosexual men write some version of Well, I never! in the comments). Women are being asked, yet again, to put others’ needs ahead of their own this election year. If we don’t learn from history, we’re doomed to repeat it. And, just like 100 years ago, women will have to wait their turn to see one of their own in a top seat in the nation–one nation….

 

…with liberty and justice for all.